Well, it’s officially been over a year since i’ve had this blog. I missed the anniversary (oct. 3) because well, i don’t really care so much about it but i thought it was at least worth mentioning that i’ve been turning out this quality garbage content for over a year now. Happy birthday blog. I didn’t really plan this but it’s actually apropos that this would be my anniversary post because it’s a bit of a throwback to one of my first; “NHL Players and their Galra Counterparts: The Most Niche Content to Ever Exist” – a classic if i do say so myself.
This post will be a bit less niche, and will focus only on members of the Sharks, not the NHL at large. As always i welcome and encourage (though never expect) heated discourse and recommended additions in the comments below.
Before i get started i would like to give a shoutout to Star Wars Night at the Tank, which inspired me in the wake of its overall disappointment. They didn’t even have Obi Wan there or they had a lady pretending to be him? Not really sure but seriously how hard would it have been to get a convincing fake Obi Wan like they could have even gotten Ewan Mcgregor i bet like what honestly does he have going that’s so important it’s for the kids Ewan like they could have at least called him at least. Oh and also like no one was dressed up like really i don’t understand why everyone hates fun so much. Anyway, shoutout to Star Wars Night at the Tank 0/10 will definitely attend next year if only to give you all an update on the Obi Wan situation.
So without further ado, here is a list i’ve compiled, complete with visual aids, of whom the sharks would really be in the star wars universe, in spite of what their promotional poster would have you believe. A bit of warning: this post includes very powerful images, both cursed and otherwise. Proceed with caution.
(1) Obi Wan Kenobi – Joe Thornton (Jan)
- this is a no brainer
- basically just the Best Ever
- powerfully blessed, healing image; saved me
- wish he were here
- he’d know what to do
(2) Anakin Skywalker – Logan Couture
- another no brainer
- extremely cursed image
- massive ho
- drama queen
- 100% That Bitch™
- wouldn’t be surprised to find out anakin has herpes
- wouldn’t be surprised to find out logan gave it to him
(3) Luke Skywalker – Joe Pavelski
- the main character
- mainstream, palatable
- but i still support him
- abides by the wisdom of Jan/Obi Wan
- not trying to imply that logan is joe’s dad i hope that goes without even being said
- it just sort of worked out that way
(4) Chewbacca – Brent Burns
- ok i know this is a dead meme and it really irritates me when people use it out of context but this is the context where it’s actually appropriate and they share a lot of similarities besides having a lot of hair ok for example:
- large and in charge
- makes strange noises inexplicably
- has regular baby attacks but means well
- basically just a big weenie but i love him
(5) Han Solo – Paul Martin
- Chewbacca/Brentie’s best pal
- does what he wants
- loves chaos
- actually a really sweet dude
- also not implying that paul martin is involved with organized crime
(6) Leia Organa – Justin Braun
- beautiful ,, stunning
- will Kick Your Ass
- would pay them to kick my ass
- loves paul martin/han solo
- deserves a lot better, honestly
(7) Lando Calrissian – Brenden Dillon
- One Cool Dude
- will also kick your ass
- kind of a side character, very underappriciated
- i trust him
(8) C-3PO – Melker Karlsson
- kind of a giant weenie
- but very loveable
- actually comes in clutch a lot
- even tho people forget about him
- love this big weenie
(9) R2-D2 – Marc-Edouard Vlasic
- literally a robot
- does what he wants
- good luck trying to tell him what to do
- saves the day on the regular
- i trust him implicitly
(10) Boba Fett – Joel Ward
- wow that is One Cool Dude
- everyone else is like a huge weenie compared to him
- they have no style or class
- he has it all
- but no one ever gives him any credit its a crime
- everyone loves even tho we hardly ever get to see eem
(11) Jar Jar Binks – Kevin Labanc
- is this mean? this feels mean
- just terrible
- shouldn’t be here
- would probably be better if he just left and never came back
- no offense
(12) Baby Ewok – Martin Jones
- i’ll leave you with this healing image
- precious baby
- Too Cute
- must protect him at all costs
- wish he would let me in his clan
i did have a few other ideas i know i left off some popular players/characters but i cut it down to this more solid list. please do be sure to yell at me in the comments for leaving off ur fav if you feel so inclined.
i also have a few other posts in the works currently – i know there’s been a bit of a dry spell on this blog but expect the reasonably regularly scheduled content to return soon. until then,
Vrepit Sa!
a grain of salt 
So true that Vlasic is R2D2, love them, my two faves. keep bringing that quality content.
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